laughing in the stillness of another complication

and so it ends as it began
another day silenced
by the fury of the absurdity
to sleep but not to dream
for dreams breed fabricated damnation
and there are mornings where
death seems to tag along
as one hand holds
poor choices
and the other holds
no choices

just when i thought i had something
a clever metaphor perhaps
or at least
two lines to light the way
again, don’t try
don’t speak
that four letter word
foul and forsaken
no art, no poetry
how can i write
when i’m empty of all illusion?

sober solitude
with lead memories weighted
i’m swimming through a cacophony
of faded years
the waking world prods me
i want to rip it open
and feast on the secrets
that lie behind the curtain

watching sacrificial ships
slither towards an uncertain fortune
the moon controls the flow of the tides
tides that push and pull
against the minority
of rapid emotions
does the great unseen goddess
control the tides of destiny?

following a black eyed nymph
i want to map
the pain, the elation
i’m tired of
uncertain destinations

and from the back of my mind
i hear him ask
“what is it that drives you?”
“i’m not sure i know”
he laughs at my uncertainty

too many questions
maybe that’s what art is
toward a possible solution
substitution, contribution
impossible remedy

brain chemicals altered
as my awareness reaches out
approaching something beyond definition
alerted and interrupted
fate is resigned
to a mathematical delusion
writing in the abstract
to conceal and save my soul
i want these moments of bliss
to stretch out
beyond boring days
i want balance
i want to matter

synonyms and antonyms
lost and found
laughing at the cosmic punchline
give me three words
three words for the wind to remember



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