06.05.19 afternoon by the river
Read the title, that’s what this is all about. After working out at the gym, I was still feeling “off”, so I decided to stop by one of my favorite spots down by the river. I grabbed my book, notebook, water, and a cigarette. Under a particularly imposing tree I sat. Smoking my cigarette, I started to read. That wasn’t cutting it for me, I just had no focus. So I closed my eyes and listened. No timelines, no deadlines, no distractions, no anticipation of things to come; just stillness. A moment of sounds, and scents, I could feel my awareness reaching out. Now, in a moment like this, of course you’re still the center of the universe; but in that moment you understand just how big the universe is, you are essential but small. When you’re in this moment it’s easy to forget your depression, aggravation, problems, and anxieties. Attachments are released, as hope and fear just seem to meld into the background. It’s easy to forget the roaming pigs, bills, complications, and the impending workday. Sitting there cross legged, eyes closed, I listened to the birds, insects, dogs, people carrying on, car stereos blasting terrible music, and the wind. In that moment it’s easy to forget how fucked up this world really is. In that moment, it doesn’t really matter.
I’ve never really been able to “meditate” in the classical sense. I suppose this moment is the closest I’ve come to that mythical state of enlightenment. Kind of reminds me of my youth in the woods, high on LSD. Roaming without purpose, mysteries abound, free. I’ve always suspected that we were all part of something bigger than our self-centered existences, and even if we don’t know what that something is, being in a moment like this can remind us, and that is almost good enough.
These days it’s such a strange thing to feel almost “at peace”. I think that I could stay here all day, or at least another few minutes, until the creativity and serenity leaves me. I don’t know, maybe I’m fortunate that I found this moment, maybe not everyone can. One last breath, one stray thought, pen and paper, revelation.
I guess it’s time to get back to the regular world until we meet again, peace.