this is not a poem

the creation and destruction of love
claims of chaos
so much left unfinished
the color of eyes, melded
blue white surprise
we were fire, almost twin flames
for a time burning hotter than the sun
i loved you like it was the first time
and the last
laughing, your smile changed my world
wandering bookstores at 7pm
sex on the shore drifting down the river
drinking fishing planting gardens
climbing mountains, bonfires
new and unfamiliar adventures
reading, listening to eachother
watching documentaries
driving with no destination
naughty card games
unfamiliar video games and music
concerts camping
writing painting
you were my artist and my muse
and i was yours completely
how many times a day did i daydream
tracing the lines of your body in my mind
counting the hours till i would see you again
constant inspiration
thinking of the next best way
i could help you find happiness
sympathy and support
curled up together in bed
the best part of the day
conversations real, open, and meant to be
communion, the soul of us
dreams of the future
kissing, caressing
holding hands on the couch
rubbing your hands and your feet
brushing your hair
holding you and never wanting to let go
your amazing sunday morning breakfasts
i watched you sing, dance and cook
captivated and enthralled
my definition of happiness was in part, time spent with you
not everyday was wonderful
but each day with you
was better than the last
you opened the flood gates
and taught me how to love
unconditional love with acceptance and no judgement
was how i loved you, so for that i thank you
how many times did i say those three words
and though I meant it each time
they could never really convey how
truly wonderful your were to me
how is it that we were so out of sync
you gave me a reason to let you in
and then you left and when you did you
took a part of me with you
do you know what it’s like
to feel forever incomplete
i’d sell my soul for one more embrace
i have to get this out, to let it go
yet somehow i feel it will never end
this goodbye just feels wrong
i still think of you more than i’d like
how i just wasn’t good enough for you
all i ever wanted to be was yours
but you didn’t see, just how much
of this life i gave to you
i remember, why don’t you
some days i wish i could forget
i see you now enjoying your life with others
i’m happy for you but i’m sad too
because i’m no longer there
the worst part is none of this matters(to you)anymore
dammit, i’ve relapsed again
and karma is a cruel bitch
memories are the best and worst part of the day
yet life goes on, shaped into the next scripture
that is not a poem


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