i remember the smell of
camel non-filters
full ashtrays
and spoiled food
the apartment was littered
with food stamps
playing cards and nudie calendars
cigarette butts
grimy counter tops
a beat up recliner
and an empty fridge
save for a few cheap beers
he didn’t have much
but man, could that cat laugh
the kind of laugh
that rolled up from the belly
and burst forth
causing your ears
to beg for mercy
sanity appeared so fragile for some
and so certain for others
all this I saw
at the tender young age
of 13 and
it was then
that i began to understand
the world was chaos